I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
