Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
