how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
