Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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