Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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