The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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