her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
