i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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