She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Randomize