I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
