birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
