Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
