You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
