Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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