I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you inspire me to be a worse person
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
