I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
