Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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