please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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