when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
