who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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