just tell him i said nine months
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
