Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
