spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
