Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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