How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
