I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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