five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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