well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
