So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
