New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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