Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
