that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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