she was so not down for the gang bang
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
