it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
