Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Randomize