guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
