is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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