I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
our cab driver is having phone sex.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
