I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
