Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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