You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
