Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
