she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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