just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
