She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Let's get the cat blown out
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize