So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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