This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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