i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
