Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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