As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
