I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
