Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
