I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
