I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
