I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
