Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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