I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
