What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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