So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize