Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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