Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
All I want is dick and wine.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
