You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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