why didn't you poke me back
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Randomize