Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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