No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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