There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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