So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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