I bet he comes in French.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
