My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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