making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Randomize
