my vag is so smooth its legendary
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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