This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
