Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Shitshow foam night was such a success
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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