my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
