4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Randomize
