singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
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