Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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