I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
