mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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