96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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