And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
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