put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
