Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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