You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
