im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
