There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize