He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
