If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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