Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
