Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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