Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
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