I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
