On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
