if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Randomize
