I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
