i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
