Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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