Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
