Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
