Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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