plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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