I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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