I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
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