he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
