Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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