just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
is it fun? or sober?
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