I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
