Already got asked if we're dating
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
