Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
