then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize