my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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