If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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