I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I want to fling myself into the sun
I just sucked dick on a ferry
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
