new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize