did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
