he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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