I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
