pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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